Head Over Feet

I will be the first to admit that I am scared.
Scared, scared, scared.
All this time of letting it go freely and fall for who it wants, when it wants, how it wants....
I don't want to get hurt again.
But who does?
Who wants to have their heart ripped out and stepped on and thrown aside as if it were nothing?
I really like him. I can't believe how much I like him. I can't say that I love him though. I care about him a lot. If anything were to happen to him, I'd feel broken inside.
Is that normal?
Do I even care?

You Were Meant for Me

It is amazing how good you make me feel.
I feel beautiful,
wanted,
alive,
special.
I feel like for once, the universe has seen fit to bring someone to me that is here for more than just a fling. You see past my beauty and my body.
You see into my heart,
my soul,
my spirit.
You see the parts of me that I am absolutely certain everyone would mock me for.
You are so far away...so very far away.
And it hurts sometimes.
Sometimes I cry,
sometimes I throw tantrums,
sometimes I run and run and run until I can't feel the pain anymore.
But luckily for us, this is temporary.
We will be in each other's arms before we know it.
Living,
laughing,
loving.
We may fight,
we may yell,
we may scream,
but we will be together.
Our love won't be perfect, but it will be ours.
It will be beautiful

Lovefool

It's funny who is who will be there for you when you need it the most. Never in a million years would I ever have thought that he would be there for me the way that he is. We have history, you know? Some of it good, most of it bad. But we have history. And he loves me. I know that he does. Not in love with me, of course. Not that I want him to be. But he does love me. And I love him too. Somehow we managed to be friends after all of the crap that we put each other through. Our friendship is far from perfect but in some crazy way it works.

But what about him? The other him, I mean. The mister, if you will. I could love him if he'd let me. I could. I could kiss away all of the painful memories and make him understand what it means to be loved fully and unconditionally. I could protect his heart forever and make sure the no one else ever caused him any harm. I could shower him with love and affection every single day and let him know that he means the absolute world to me. I could do it all for him if he'd let me.

I just wish he'd let me.

Karma Police

The idea of karma is something that both astounds me and scares me. This could be because I am just not understanding it properly. This life is not so bad, I guess. "First world problems" do not seem so bad when compared to my other options. But there are so many things that I just do not understand.
Is my idea of a "good life" subjective?
There are people in the world who have far less than me but who are happy as clams. I am sure there are even more people who have a lot more than me who are absolutely miserable. Yet some of us still look down upon those who have less and envy those who have more. It is my understanding that to live is to suffer and the only way to achieve enlightenment or true happiness is to go "home." So essentially the only people who have enriching and fulfilling lives are those who are not living at all.
So what life am I in?
Was I good in a past life and I am currently being rewarded for it or was I this horrible, wretched person who now has to be punished for it? Is this my first life? My last? What will I be in my next? What was I in my past? Sometimes I wonder if my spirit knows all of these things. Do my interests and fears stem from my past lives? Was I once a cat? Was I alive during the Salem trials? Was I once raped? Did I once lose everyone that I loved? Did I once die falling off of a cliff?
That is such an interesting thought though.
As a psychology student I like to look at what shapes a person's personality. We have all heard of the nature versus nurture argument but we do not necessarily take other explanations into consideration. What if our current selves really are shaped by our past lives?